best day


yesterday was one of the happiest day in my entire life since school in SP started.
the feeling's just so indescribable.
yes!i can finally do circles with the C boat.
the pontoon training really helped.i hope that the number of C boat rowers would either stay as these or increase.i really wish that more people could join in for the C boat.though this would mean less water time for us and the guidance we receive would be not as much as before.but its really fun to see people working together towards the same goal.of being able to make circles.lol.

2 to 3 weeks ago,i was really anxious that i would be the last to master circling,but somehow,yesterday was quite a breakthrough.
though,some of them still couldnt circle around,we shall work together.help one another,and not give up.

well,its the day of the week again!
its friday again!
man...
friday just come and go just like that.and then it will be sunday again very soon,and then school starts again.
screw it.screw it screw it.

and screw inflation!
damnit!
the economy had a downturn,barrels of oil cost so much that even using natural gas is so much cheaper.prices of chicken rice had to shoot up,from 2.50 a plate to 3 dollars.everything seems to be increasing.

back to curriculum

okay,its not that i really want to go back to JC life.but rather more of the nostalgia.
poly is okay,just that probably thigns are more superficial.and not as close-knit.that i have to learn thigns myself,rather than friends 24/7 around to help you.
i guess its like that.
and i have to stick to this.maybe,i should pioritise my time and spend more time with my canoe mates.

and with the cost of daily necessities rising.i guess,i probably wont have any more things to buy until,well,the economy gets better.
its really shit!to see news reporting that petrol,blah blah blah costs are rising.
it really makes me think twice before ordering that plate of chicken chop.and also,if i can really enjoy it without worrying that i will run out of pocket money the next day.
admit it,im super GIAM,with my money!

i broke my curfew!

im gonna die.maths is gone case.everyone's answers are all different from mine.
and i hate it.this 1B/23 class is so fucking fucked up.
its probably a better idea if i stayed on in JC.my class is so screwed.everyone is so FAKE!!!.maybe for the fact of one or two of them who are not.and they are not very kept up with the scores also anyway.
lets see..if they are like that.i cant do anything either.so i might as well shutup and mind my own stuff.and fake along.i guess thats how i can survive in here.

get yourself a girl


no time to waste.tmr is the start of msts.
i guess its probably gonna end pretty fast.just one week.hang on in there.you can do it!

training wise.gonna skip this week's.
chiong for MST.


just wish me luck.

i know it happened so long ago and by now,things are all so different.
but i cannot help but think that that saturday nightout with you is one of my best saturdays spent.
and now and then,i will think of you and WHAT ACTUALLY WENT WRONG.
i know perhaps that there was nothing wrong at all.it just didnt seem right in the first place and that things just continued anyway,and eventually,things just got to the worst and i said the shittiest things ever.
i have never actually blamed anyone for what had happened.maybe except me.
moreover,i guessed i was too anxious then.

but,on a brighter note,it was great to have known you.
i didn't expect myself to have ventured so far into canoe training.and lasted so long.
and its not just you,more of who i had spoke to.
you people told me about fulfilling lives.and that how life could be so boring with you yourself just slacking around.


like how it all happened in beauty and the beast.like how belle met beast and how they danced that night.how beast didnt expect belle to come back for him.it all occurred so magically.maybe just for the fact that its not happily ever after for me though.
i guess this is really true afterall."Barely even friends,then somebody bends"

and i think its a irreversible impression.
its not that i'm desperate or what.
but this extra post is just something that i really wanted to type out after so long.
i know that things are probably different now.and its no use thinking so much into it.
but well,its at least something i can treasure and look back in the future.
cause you're the best i ever had.

Be my mirror,my sword,my shield

wts!holidays are ending real soon...
and term 2 gonna start.
i think i should really concentrate on my CCA and studies and not care so much about other stuff.
actually,i havent been caring about going out either.that alot of time is spent over at MAC that i actually know some of the things inside out.like where is every school's shed and how deep some parts of the reservoir actually is. and it sucks.and you actually see quite the same faces of people that you know who is regular and who is the most chio and who is whose jiao lian and how demanding some of the jiao lian is.

and now that i can actually make a quarter of a circle with the canoe,i shall try more of it.
and the more i try,the more familiar i get with that yellow training boat.

at least now that i have a partner rowing C with me,i feel more assured and less pressurised.
much more better than the beginning with only me doing it.



and there's really one thing im most afraid of.
i'm really worried that i give up halfway with the C and then i can't really row the K and then i have nowhere to go.
i'm really afriad of capping in the lanes out there.and not being able to get back up on the boat.and swimming to the pontoon actually take away so much of my energy.
and that eventually i cant cope with my studies and that i have to give it up and concentrate on my studies.

just thinking about all these pessimistic stuff is enough to force the shit into me

OPERATION FACADE!

i'm trying everything i could to get rid of these pesky pimples.
lots of things happened since i last updated.

and i seem to have grown older..sighhhh

yesterday was NYAA residential project.got to know these few great peeps.
and we actually shared what we felt with one another even though we only knew one another for like 1 day,its pretty ironic.
though i think more could be done.

i shall say that im pretty satisfied with my mugging schedule today.and that i have actually done quite a alot of revision today.i dare say that!

ig17 outing on monday!
it was pretty PATHETIC!and you can call it a clique outing instead.
6 people went..only 6!!!!!!
but well,it was an evening well spent.
chat alot.and hc's pimples were so much better than the last time i saw...so envy^^^
and we spoke on vivo's top level.sat on the grass. and pretty well...lepaked!haha
and i guess everyone's still alright.
and chia actually came again!its amazing!!!i shall find his msn and add him when i manage to do so.

back from Macritche.(how do you ever spell that)
and i just got my hair cut.looks so much better than the slope one.and much more handsome too=DDDD

and yes!i manage to balance on the C for at least 7 seconds.and i tried to paddle 1 stroke!maybe i should contemplate to row C and maybe be the first few in SPCT to do so.haha!
it just feels so great.but its weird if you cant row a K when you are doing C.

and there's always benefits over at Macritche,cos you get to see girls.haha.
and also away from those nuts polo alumni.
they are seriously crazy.sick.nuts.
i guess the only alumni present at Mac is sherman.though he only come down occasionally.

and today i kept telling teammates how disgusting it is to wear socks and put on your running shoes right after rowing..its seriously sick!dont know how they manage to do that.


i must studying though,1 and 1/2 wk have gone,i should start touching my notes alr.
all those boring lectures by sim have to be revised and gram staining and all that nonsense have to be read up.im so gonna die...

maybe its nostalgia
i dunno,i just keep thinking how i spent my PAE months over at CJ whenever i see pictures of those that i know clad in that all so common yet bluish pe shirt.
i feel a sense of association with CJC canoeing.though its all game over.now that im in SPCT.

you know how nice it feels to see all that blue canoes and wearing that blue pe shirt doing training.
its just so different from rowing yellow and red boats.and wearing those staples shirts for training.

and how that blue pe shirt evokes memories.....
ahhhh...
why cant i just get out of this memory cycle!period!

today was shet!
race was pushed forward due to rain.and we got so bored in the shed.

at least we won one of the race.the second boat was at least 1 1/2 boats away from us.
and its quite sad that cj lost.their K2 match wasnt that good.and its quite demoralising la,when you see that the ones infront of you are all so much infront.
but then,its their first race anyway,i guess they still have a long way to go.
and NJ capsized during one of the match,which is qutie sad la

and MJ people did warmups like crazy.they did land stroking as if they kenaed possessed.and they were doing jumping jacks just before the race.
its just so scary.
and i cant imagine myself being on the lanes in half a years time,i hope that i am able,if not that would probably mean that something bad must have happened to me.

and i am again saying this.
i seem to be spending so much time at Mac.its fast becoming like my second home.the lanes are like jogging track for us.and we practise there literally everyweek.
and the fellow year 2 retards are so damn funny.
and not suprisingly,i may even find my partner in Mac.



thinking about all these is so shitxzxzxzxzxzxzx

listening to gold90fm makes me look so old
and class 95 sometimes get so irritating with the rnb tracks.
what to listen then?

this friday another rendezvous with wynn and muhd over at WCP.wonder who's gonna be the guest star.
my mum starts to wonder if they are gay when i tell her that i'm going to wcp to lepak again.
tell me what to do when you dont have "girlfriends" to hang out with...hai

for me now,the greatest fear is becoming an antisocial which i am slowly imagining myself turning into.its so shit!!!

since yesterday,i seemed to have spent quite alot of time with the sprints team.
its like training training training since yesterday afternoon.
and i woke up at 6 today!wohoo,just to get down to mac to row.

and its bloody crowded over at mac today.everyone was there rowing.
AC people,NJ people,SA people,PJ people,GESS people and not forgetting CJ.
its crowded to the max!!!!.

and its not fair!CJ people can balance on Ks already.and they did their one star already so they can go into the lanes.arghhh
if only i remained there

im pretty cooped down with training this holiday i guess.i hope all these would turn out useful and by then K boats will be no problem.i just hope..

The Reality Of Life

today marks the start of my 3 weeks study break,which i believe will not be put to good use.
met with jw and wynn and glen to collect their testis,i mean testimonial,over at ntss.
saw teachers.and yeah thats about all
went over to queensway and walked and walked.i,having hopes of finding some shoes for running then gave up the thought.
and in the end went over to chit chat at Macs,where i got interrogated.for 1 hour at least
okay,thank god its over.

its a saddening sight over at jw's place where i USUALLY change to bus service 175
while contemplating to get onto a seat at the busstop,a family of 4 came over and i thought they needed it more,thus i let the idea of sitting off.
somehow when i turned,one of the kids fell over and was crying and weeping,i guess he must've fall of the seat through the what was supposed to be a glass panel.
and hell,the dad got furious and slapped his son on the head.OMG!
and while the mum was trying to defend the kid,the mum got pushed by the dad.and at least they didnt argue.and the kid kept crying and the dad hurled explentives at the kid.
its so saddening....

met up with an ex-relative today.
well,really had a good chat.and realised so many things that i have been doing all these years that i didnt realise.well,he told me some of them.

i just found out and confirmed that i must always be on the run.that i cannot stay put in one place.
he told me that he once brought me to a library when i was young and that i must always be touching stuff or tumbling around.
i guess it still remains after all these years.things rarely change.
and well,he spoke about so many things.and haiz...touched on some pretty sensitive points.
and i guess i really have to think hard what i really want.
its like everyone's driving the same point..but they are just from different perspectives.

chan said it before.about piority
mum always says it.nagging about studies and stuff but now they are decreased.
ex-colleagues over at NUM have been saying that studying life is so much better than working cause its so relaxed.
practically everyone is driving this same piont.

i'm so died la.somehow,i must begin studying now.


and he spoke about his story with my auntie.
and...
almost everything he said made such a punch on me.and i feel so guilty for everything i did.

But the more I think, the less I believe it
And the more I want you here with me