hsrah

Enough is enough

But fighting all the demons will take time
It will take time

3 more weeks.

sian la.i need to stop procrastinating and do the things that i wanna do this holidays.

spending alot also.but lol,holidays is to spend money.i just need to find a way to prevent my bank account from being stagnant all the way.

suddenly i find myself with less thoughts than usual.good in a way.but i hope i dont do things without thinking ah.which is most of the time.lol

really cmi

i think i must really get a good rest from 9pm to next day again.long long sleep.early and all,and no disruptions.

caught phantom of the opera on dvd this afternoon.though we skipped quite a bit of scenes.but somehow,i discovered the magic of the lyrics.something new.and the lyrics were really touching.gotta watch it again on my pod.

in other news,training is still very tiring,like getting worst.haha.luckily ac's around for entertainment..

Valhalla

In Norse mythology, Valhalla (from Old Norse Valhöll "hall of the slain"^[1]) is a majestic, enormous hall located in Asgard, ruled over by the god Odin. Chosen by Odin, half of those that die in combat travel to Valhalla upon death, led by valkyries, while the other half go to the goddess Freyja's fieldFólkvangr. In Valhalla, the dead join the masses of those who have died in combat known as Einherjar, as well as various legendary Germanic heroesand kings, as they prepare to aid Odin during the events of Ragnarök.

i'm losing faith in whatever i do.its not that i don't like canoeing/going out/hanging out with friends/reefkeeping.Its just that i don't have that drive to maintain the continuity anymore.Its like i am just doing it for the sake of going on.I want to find something that excites me.okay.maybe for the exception of canoeing.coach almost always has something new in store for us:)

okay,i really want to have a good dinner AGAIN with my pals,sitting down and having buffet until the shop closes,smth like rei's bday.what could be better than that.just relac.sometimes i really wish that i do not have to worry about the time and what's gonna come up tomorrow morning so that i could fully enjoy myself and without worrying that i do not have enough money to pay up for the services/food.all these things really destroys the enjoyment process

8am hit kallang,

row not good.no strength to pull.cannot even push myself.partner said that it was alright.he say maybe its not my day.

went to jw house play mj,cannot even play a simple game of mahjong.ok,nevermind.

went back home to have dinner,tried to took put the steamed fish from the pot,but slipped my hands and the plate fell to the ground.created quite a mess.

just then,i felt pretty pissed with myself.such a simple thing also cannot do,how come the plate will slip out of the hands.i felt like i was damn useless.and while picking up the mess,i questioned myself,why all along,all these 18 years i havent seem to done anything that i am satisfied with.

when i was young,mum used to tell me,you dont have the xiao cong ming that others possess.people do 10 times can learn already,you must do 100 times.And then i doubted myself,if there was any use being so hardworking.Like as if people will regard your hardworking capablitlies highly in singapore,where everyone else possess street-smartness and all of them are able to twist their words and tongues and tell lies with the wink of an eye.All these i cant even do.I never liked to tell lies,i cannot lie to be honest,whenever i try,i will give a sign away,such as smiling.And these two years or this one year,i have been wondering if i am able to talk cock like all others are able to.like why am i so serious most of the times.

And i thought to myself if others who dont know me,may mistaken that i am very straightforward or that i dunno how to talk.while others that have known me for a long time knows what i am saying some of the time.Like how i am able to talk to them,without feeling weird to fearing that i might hurt their feelings.I really wish that i could speak properly without hurting others.and sometimes,i think too much and the they aren't really hurt at all,and then this i dont know if its true at all,when people say that they aren't hurt but deep down inside,they really wished that you didn't have said that.

And sometimes,i really wished that i kept quiet most of the time,so that i wont say anything or do anything wrong.

And then,i thought if i was really good at anything at all,like most of the things that i do,i can't even do them properly,much less excel in them.

i dont know,i have a lot more thoughts than these just now....but i think i should be back to doing whatever i am suppose to do right now.

house-husband in the making

其实他做的坏事我们都懂
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁 暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说

其实别人的招数我们都懂
没有什么不同
故作软弱 撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭

傻瓜也许单纯地懂
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留

傻瓜我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤

傻瓜我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

其实别人的招数我们都懂
没有什么不同
故作软弱 撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭

傻瓜也许单纯地懂
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留

傻瓜我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤

傻瓜我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

傻瓜我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤

傻瓜我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me

maybe i have been expecting too much from my life.way much more than i can handle.isn't it better to keep it simple?and just let last minute decisions take over?seriously,screw the society,screw the fucking way people live lives nowadays.

i must say.i have been very stressed,over trainings.i can't believe it,its just days into the holidays and i feel myself overwhelmed by the amount of trainings.its not that i can't accept.but,it's sorta like breathing down my neck already.maybe i need to plan out a list of what i wanna do this holidays.then maybe i wont be procrastinating everyday on why training is taking so much time.

i know the amount of trainings i have to clock.and i know it when i'm suppose to go down,the fact that training everyday...just lands me into thinking space again.hai.

Oldies

4 days consecutive morning rows.i wanna take a break.soon.

parents going to china on thursday.gotta take over chores already..and cooking...

Brood Parasitism

"The best-known example is the European Common Cuckoo. The shells of the eggs of brood-parasites is usually thick. They have two distinct layers with an outer chalky layer that is believed to provide resistance to cracking when the eggs are dropped in the host nest. The cuckoo egg hatches earlier than the host's, and the cuckoo chick grows faster; in most cases the chick evicts the eggs or young of the host species."

caught this on nat geo during dinner time.such a sad fate.the cuckoo looks so huge and ugly as compared to its surrogate parents.Oh well,natural selection at work:(

Back At One

It's undeniable that we should be together
It's unbelievable, how I used to say that I'd fall never
The basis is need to know
If you just don't know how I feel
Then let me show you that now I'm for real
If all the things in time, time will reveal
(Yeah-ah...)
One, you're like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, girl it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me
And four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I'll start back at one
(Yeah-ah...)
It's so incredible, the way things work themselves out
And all emotional, once you know what it's all about, hey
And undesirable, for us to be apart
I never would've made it very far
'Cause you know you got the keys to my heart
'Cause...
One, you're like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, girl it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me
And four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
(Then I'll start back at one)
Say farewell to the dark of night
I see the coming of the sun
I feel like a little child, whose life has just begun
You came and breathed new life into this lonely heart of mine
You threw out the life line
Just in the nick of time
One, you're like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, girl it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me
And four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I'll start back at one