damn.
wont get the free meal alr.
not gonna do well for CT.
was at skl,and damn,its agonising to see the unit ROT like this when people are playing dai ti in the room while i try to plan.
so have decideded to walk away.let them play all they want.
really pissed.but wad can i do?
always on the loogi end.i tend to have a weak spot,and believes that i own ppl everything.haiz,just saddening.wad if the society is like this next time,arent i gonna die sooner or later.haiz
2 more wks,money not collected,plan not typed out....sometimes,i just think that oh,theyre gonna get it when they dun do,ive done my part.but it just seems so illogical..wadever.but its just so bored looking at the plan.

Happy CNY-Day 2

sometimes,you wont realise how thigns feel until youve been thru them..
see la,mahjong can lose until damn fed up alr.
no flower,no tai...
but sometimes, you just have to accept it and move onjust continue until yur luck comes.
i think i have been thru te shitties stuff,i throw tiles,let ppl win,let ppl pong,let ppl eat.pay double,cannot win bcs i no flowrr,all these so damn shit.
until once, got 4 tiles and coins came in..
this was the moment that could make me forget all the loss..dunoo why.

gamblers gamble.why?
the feeling of winning is jus so cdamn great that makes u wanna play even more to win.
but once you lose,its sht..so its est not to play.lol.

had a fairly good reunion dinner just now.
had a great talk over the dinner tables.
havent seen my cuzs and relatives since skl reopened,so we had lotsa stuff to talk bout.lol

as usual,had steamboat.
ate lots of stuff.


and it was a tradition for us to go down to chinatown during CNY eve to enjoy the atmosphere,but somehow,it didnt work out todae.mum complained thats its too crowded,so stayed at home.now blogging and planned to watch chnl 8 TV programme.


空徐

went to watch protege after staying in RV for such a long time.
managed to sneak garlic and jon in and they were so excitied that they were anxious.
first time putting my IC to good use.

was a mentally straining movie.
its spoke bout how drugs can take over ppl's life and transform them to lifeless beings,it can take over even your slightest emotions and feelings.

its was about an undercover cop whom saw the terrifying sequences of drug abuse..slightlygruesome as there were violent scenes such as a severed hand and the process of making heroin.

the cop knew about this abuser whom was his neighbour.she came to him one day,asking for food to feed her child.he was kind and gave her some bread cs he had ran out of noodles.

after awhile,he came to realise that she was an addict.he began to doubt her and treated her from a different prospective.longstory ahead.and the addict was very cham,she looked pretty,but all that drug made her all pale and sick,much like sadako.period!


and i didnt know heroin contained potassium nitrate and magnesium and stuff..
there was also the scenes of how Thai farmers planted poppy flowers.collected the sap and stuff.quite realistic and truelots ofhidden meaning and agenda,may be its bcs its my first time watching an NC movie,thats why i find it so different from others.lol


Drug abuse is a continuous cycle,beginning from the addict,to the farmers ,to the businessman..

so wad makes Mankind turn to drugs?
isit bcs of emptiness,or isit bcs of the high?

CNY is two days from now.
damnit,go back to school is super chiong again,guess have to bring along notes when visiting relatives.

why are people always comparing themselves with others.
cause thats human nature i guess.
its insatiable to compare.you can compare till you stress urself like nothing and no one will give a hack.
im a pessimist and i guess im one of those victims.

everything after CNY is gonna be damn chiong.
ask me wads my resolution and i'll wish that everything in the past be put behind.放下以前，期待未来..ahh,someone could talk me out of this.i hope,i cant go on like this forever.

sometimes,i really question myself whether is deserve this rank,this post.
its no bout how others think,but how i think.

i believe that its because of my hardworkingness and my ability to be other's PA,that got me where i am today....



just like today's live shoot....
screwd up,went there wifout nominal roll.
den went to help those SAF officers.got arrowed but somehow its better than slacking off myself in the company of jason,sherman and wynn.
had to write and copy and stuff,at least got something to do.
and missed emaths lessons,the most impt one.....


and,wads so impt bout valentine's day lar...
okay,if i really liked someone,i believe everyday would be valentine's day..
or maybe i'm wrong,its the significance of the day..

well,dunno la,these things too complicated alr...
i shldnt meddle with them,and the result meddling wif it is getting a scald,which will take a longggggg time to heal.

today was a fun day,started out wif HCL
mr chua explained bout the procedures and things behind HCL and CL,so ive decided to go ahead with hcl,no gonna quite,maybe bcs the pros outweigh the cons.

den was chem prac,very interesting lesson.
had both QA and VA at the same time.
so many breakages and ivan got so freaked out while eugene was washing the conical flask..
there was the sound of glass hitting against the ceramic basin and the sound of dropping the ceramic tiles...

and there was this instance,RH got suaned like nothing by C,he was like
use eye power la,use more la,know nothing but eye power.NP also liddat.everything in the world can use eye power.den everyone go be Cyclops,cause Cyclops have the most powerful eye....it was like so darn.....hahs.
picturing X-men..lol..
and we used conc HCL,for the first time,ppl were like so darn nervous and hands were trembling.

and ya,the three tiered leadership evina was talking about,i guess i belonged to those that cld communicated wif the authorities.

shant talk bout after skl,things were so darn shit.

sometimes,does it matter how others portray you?
it is really so loser to be viewed like one....
so many people are judged by their looks,ppl cant understand wads behind the face....maybe im just too sensitive to comments,taking some really seriously.

and ya,Happy CNY ppl.....
its gonna be a long break,feastin agn..haha...............................................................

lots of troubles,and if you asked me.i guess everyone would be pointing their finger at me,the cause,the culprit,the xiong shou...

i went overboard yesterday during training,its was much like dropping an A bomb onto singapore.
haiz..sometimes,one shld clarify things before they bombshell others.

i was so fucked up with these bastards that ran away from muster parade that i gave them a piece of my mind.i blasted them like never before on anyone.
1.first sign of me getting over board.
i told them,who gave them the instructions to go..haiz.i knew that kumar allowed them to make a move,but with all the dicreferencies of him in my mind,i went straight at them,without even clarifying the situations...
i know its a very bad thing to vent the anger you have with your working colleagues on your juniors,its a sure sign that your way of leadership is wrong.totally.

i guess i got too carried away with his blaming and blasted them,shouted at them.one of those even had wet eyes..haiz..


it shldnt be bcs of one person you dun like and vent your anger on your juniors,it doesnt work that way.i knew the consequences really well,and i went ahead.if you see anything wrong,go ahead,punish me,i accept the punishment.

i am just too fucked over kumar.cant we just have racial harmony and everyone working well together.
at one time,i got so furious that it took CY to drag me away,i challenged them,told them i wld do double to theirs..
on top of this,one of those showed me his bloody attitude,even gave me the hand sign even when he was in pumping position....so i got even more fucked,i ranted like nothing.
haiz...


just bcs of person,three of those may not come for trg anymore,i knew there was a high possibility of this,but i went ahead......
its a sure sign that i'll fall.

after the whole thing which was resolved by ST,he told me a re-enactment.
he's a good leader,he's flexible and know when to punish them,just that he's not as good in administration.
i'm a negative eg,im inflexible,at times i let ppl crawl over me,while other times,i gave them a piece of my mind...sure sign of PMS..

haiz..
thanks guys for the encouragement,especially chee yong,shu tian,jason...

now i understand how frustrating it could be to do logarithms..
forgotten everything bout it.


den loci is like 1/2 of it gone..how?still have to plan for camp,write essay,sunday still got bloody course.haiya.......

sometimes,i think that being solitary is so much better than mixing ard.
this reduces problems caused, by my filtering of stuff..

and this was not the second time things happen bcs of my lack of efficiency in filtering out words..
haiyo.

haiz.
another bad result.just passed for my probability...
and the best thing is that 'o' results are gonna be released this friday.shit....


started out wif matrices,and i can do so badly for the test,its all bout some manipulation around..shit

den was HCL,as usual,mr chua was darn mad,alaways complaining to us bout his form class,maybe the shool shld place him in some graduating classes,so that he wun get a stroke(touch wood), from teaching those little bastards..
anyway,its his final year and hes gonna retire,so good for him..
i guess we climbed over his head too much alr...making him think that we are just as degraded as those fools...

and talking bout NA.haiz...
this is hw the world goes around,especially SG.you are condemm once you get into a lousy stream,a lousy school,a lousy CCA.everyone thinks that the one must be in the best.just like how ppl condemm NCC in my school....

others get 11 years old,and now,NCC is trampled way below the level only fools think that its deserving,maybe thats why the strength is so low this year.....

anyway...its just pure stereotpying..




and wads wrong wif working hard?
haiz,i work so hard and in the end,i still get the same marks as the others.
people have to do once,but i ave to repeatly do the qn a hundred or a thousand times in order for it to get into my head..hah.....
thats wad i have for my partner....

well,finally had a breathing space this week..
shld i say this wk is quite free of nuisance tests..

maths results are like roller-coasters.
matrices was..ughh..failed
cmulative frequency did darn well
maybe gonna just pass for probability also...

so many tests alr...and the school papers were realli piling up.

thanks guys for all the encouragement,especially my few good pals,and evina and prasana,whom answered all my qns bout coconut trees and bollywood films.

have to jiayou for the last leg b4 CNY.whoo..
darn the HQ,putting live shoot on v day...now shld i accompany them...

bot gonna do well for matrices alr..damn qns were so damn tedious...and i could have done the easier qns stuff instead of wasting my time...

sometimes,feel that my ssg is kinda fake.people say im not firm,lacks self-confidence..

staying up till late for the past few days to complete my tests revision and to do some sch papers.thats why i was so tired in school.

having tests these few days and its just so much nicer than attending ccas,at least i do not have to worry bout attendance and stuff...

tmr's another friday...
have to hold on.