8am hit kallang,

row not good.no strength to pull.cannot even push myself.partner said that it was alright.he say maybe its not my day.

went to jw house play mj,cannot even play a simple game of mahjong.ok,nevermind.

went back home to have dinner,tried to took put the steamed fish from the pot,but slipped my hands and the plate fell to the ground.created quite a mess.

just then,i felt pretty pissed with myself.such a simple thing also cannot do,how come the plate will slip out of the hands.i felt like i was damn useless.and while picking up the mess,i questioned myself,why all along,all these 18 years i havent seem to done anything that i am satisfied with.

when i was young,mum used to tell me,you dont have the xiao cong ming that others possess.people do 10 times can learn already,you must do 100 times.And then i doubted myself,if there was any use being so hardworking.Like as if people will regard your hardworking capablitlies highly in singapore,where everyone else possess street-smartness and all of them are able to twist their words and tongues and tell lies with the wink of an eye.All these i cant even do.I never liked to tell lies,i cannot lie to be honest,whenever i try,i will give a sign away,such as smiling.And these two years or this one year,i have been wondering if i am able to talk cock like all others are able to.like why am i so serious most of the times.

And i thought to myself if others who dont know me,may mistaken that i am very straightforward or that i dunno how to talk.while others that have known me for a long time knows what i am saying some of the time.Like how i am able to talk to them,without feeling weird to fearing that i might hurt their feelings.I really wish that i could speak properly without hurting others.and sometimes,i think too much and the they aren't really hurt at all,and then this i dont know if its true at all,when people say that they aren't hurt but deep down inside,they really wished that you didn't have said that.

And sometimes,i really wished that i kept quiet most of the time,so that i wont say anything or do anything wrong.

And then,i thought if i was really good at anything at all,like most of the things that i do,i can't even do them properly,much less excel in them.

i dont know,i have a lot more thoughts than these just now....but i think i should be back to doing whatever i am suppose to do right now.