prolly its just stress.

arghh!
i'm at my peak already.things are not looking very well for me these few months.both academically and spiritually and mentally and psychologically.i think im breaking down if i dont do something to calm myself down,or i could seriously be in deep shit.
i realised from friends and my own judgment that i have began to become more angsty,a characteristic that i never really possessed before.at least not to sure an extent that i had to have sporadic outbursts of temper to sustain my own sanity.
i never really showed attitude to fellow seniors before.even in NCC,even to the the worst nco that i had.i dont know why i became like this.and i seriously hope that things could return back to normal or that i can do something to reduce it.

spoke to wynn yesterday night.one thing he said really affected me.he asked me if i felt that i had no life.prior to that,i was already questioning myself in the afternoon as i was having lunch at my grandma's place and my relatives told me,quite sarcastically that if i didnt know how to swim,i shouldnt canoe.and that if my mother really alllowed that.that was really a big blow to my mind.and i kept thinking the whole afternoon and if i should really stay on.without the knowledge to swim.

touching on the no life part.its more of a aftermath of the initial euphoria of joining canoeing.many wanted to just train up and get the body.but once this thinking is over,a new wave of thoughts came to me.its more like,i wanna do something,try out something and commit and not be so free during the weekdays.i want it so that in years to come,i could look back and think,well,the last few years in SP had been a rather great time for me,for i had made really great friends,know people that i hadnt expected and most importantly,i didnt believe that i could be so determined to stay in the team.
for the last few years or perharps months,maybe even when i was in cj,i cant believe that i could row a c boat,or even balance on it.but now,all of it seems like in my reach.and that i didnt believe that 450 pushups was possible,but i have done it.


well,i guess no life isnt really no life.
perharps i need time to think all these thigns over.and well,priortise my time.for friends,for family and for trainings.
regarding the no life thing,i was pretty upset over it,and it has been bugging me since yesterday night.till now.and tomorrow's training already,i cant have these thoughts in me.

i know probably what people will tell me,they will say that well,jiahong,go for something you think.it depends on you,if you liek canoeing,just continue,you dont ahve to listen to others.but i know,i have heard all these.and i know,i cant really expect people to lead my life,i will have to decide for myelf.





5 more weeks to exams.
glen and i made a pact,we shall train for 3 more weeks before we stop all ccas and concentrate on our studies,afterall,we dont wanna retake any modules.
with lecturers moving like bullettrains through the topics,i cannot afford to lag,for bio,for chem and maths.

till then people,will update while i can.