uncanny resemblance

past few days have been spent looking and staring at books and notes other than the exceptional mealtimes and trainings.
2 tests down,one more to go!
and i'm looking forward to this long weekend break.i need a short while to take a breather,before i embark on yet another phase of studying.

but what disturbs me is that,no matter how much i read and study,my peers seem to do better than me.not that i havent tried,but i gave all ears to the lecturer during class and tried to ask questions during tutorial sessions,and tried my best to understand most of the topics,but no matter how i tried,there's bound to be loopholes which i fall through.Its not that i want to be the top scorer in class or be the top notch and obtain a diploma in merit(i wished!).What i want is just to be eligible for uni entry and thats all.the rest can let time decide.
i seemed to have exhausted most of what i can do,at least.and it really sucks to see everyone grabbing their books while you thought you have managed to study most of what seems to be.

and its really pressuring to have so many things coming your way.UNDER PRESSURE.
was told that ac managed to clock two days of morning row.while jh managed 0.not that i didnt want to,but the tests,everything.hai



its not simple;
its not simple to juggle so many trainings with school
its not simple to wake up at 6am everyday despite so many alarms and me snoozing everyone of them
its not simple to continue with the last set of 15x4 endurance weights
its not simple keep yourself awake at the most important of times during lectures
its not simple to read through a whole page of molecular biology notes without looking up and getting distracted
its not simple to pull through 4x2km sprints
and its really not simple to maintain such a situaiton,where you hold on to what you believed,and continue doing it with faith,without thinking otherwise what may happen at the other end but still continue to believe in it,cause in the first place,you have set your sights and told yourself that this time's gonna be okay.and after going through so much thoughts and feelings and you still continue to hold on to it,cause you believe.that someday,out of the blue and when you least expected it to happen,you feel elated,that what you believed in all the while,has always been there and then.knowing that although you had that many things in mind,you managed to find a spot,somewhere right there in your heart,a special place,for the special belief.